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The 9 Service Languages | Intensive Session Wrap Up Thoughts

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On Sunday, I wrapped up my first small group FULL INTENSIVE workshop that spanned 6+ hours over the course of 2 days. Anyone who has sat through my Intro class knows, The 9 Service Languages is a fucking BIG IDEA! When I first launched my class, I naively believed it could be tackled in a typical 90-minute or 2-hour session. I quickly learned that was impossible and that few platforms (cons, orgs, mtgs) had the ability to hold space for me and attendees to get DEEP in the weeds of WIITWD as it relates to Service. I am PROFOUNDLY HONORED that @S-O-C—the Service Oriented Conference—reached out to me earlier this year to be a part of their inaugural Intensive Program. They were the perfect partner with the perfect target audience for an Intensive of The 9 Service Languages of Authority Transfer Relationships/Dynamics. The session allowed me to work with a small group as we got our hands dirty, dissecting where, when, how, and why we do Service and considered ways to adjust, tweak, evol...
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The 9 Service Languages | Intensive Session Wrap Up Thoughts

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On Sunday, I wrapped up my first small group FULL INTENSIVE workshop that spanned 6+ hours over the course of 2 days. Anyone who has sat through my Intro class knows, The 9 Service Languages is a fucking BIG IDEA! When I first launched my class, I naively believed it could be tackled in a typical 90-minute or 2-hour session. I quickly learned that was impossible and that few platforms (cons, orgs, mtgs) had the ability to hold space for me and attendees to get DEEP in the weeds of WIITWD as it relates to Service. I am PROFOUNDLY HONORED that @S-O-C—the Service Oriented Conference—reached out to me earlier this year to be a part of their inaugural Intensive Program. They were the perfect partner with the perfect target audience for an Intensive of The 9 Service Languages of Authority Transfer Relationships/Dynamics. The session allowed me to work with a small group as we got our hands dirty, dissecting where, when, how, and why we do Service and considered ways to adjust, tweak, evol...
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My First Paddling

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From the beginning of my jump down the lifestyle rabbit hole, paddles were hard limits.  Nothing about those thick wood implements ever felt right.  Wood is beautiful.  As homes, furniture, accents the natural fibers sing to me.  However, physicality, my skin was not drawn to the energy.  Mentally and emotionally, what I didn't comprehend until recently was that the entire interaction of paddling felt like...TOO MUCH power exchange, too deep of submission. The surrender too…absolute.  Instinctively given the relationships I held over the years, everything in me would state definitively, "Hell the fuck no," and over the first thirteen years of kink and masochism, never once was I tempted or even curious. Until Him. Then that first night…well morning actually, I took from Him what no Man had ever given me.  My first kiss of a paddle (as well as many other things I never realized I needed.).  He sent me to my fucking knees with a single swat. Knees q...
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My Truth

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I've bottomed to Tops, but no one has ever truly seen me surrender or submit.  Whatever glimpse they may have seen of something...it was/is nothing compared to how I instinctively respond to THAT beautiful, sexy Man.  With Him...I surrender and submit with everything I am and everything I wish I could be.  Under, guiding, grounding all of my practical personalities and acts of service, the Truth is... The very sight of Him can bring me to tears.   The smell of Him grounds and eases my spirit. His voice, my compass to bring me Home. His touch effortlessly reaches in and can either settle or shakes the depths of my soul. The taste of Him is my Redemption. To have Him fill me, take me, claim me is my Ascension to Divine transformation. My Truth is... I fuckin Worship That Man. The ground He walks on. The very air He breathes.   My surrender to Him, His will, His needs, His comfort, His well-being are my True North.   I am simply His Lioness, Alf...
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The Value of Helplessness

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Dread’s post and a conversation with my sister, Malika, has had me pondering the unlikely (for me) topic… the value of helplessness. Anyone who has met/engaged with me even on the most basic level would agree I am far from being anyone’s damsel in distress.  I am competent.  I am relatively self-sufficient.  I am fierce.  If cornered, I can be damn near fuckin dangerous.  I live, work, and conquer one of the most demanding and chaotic cities in the world.  I've faced countless shitty, insurmountable situations that I couldn't change, but I always had control of me.  I fought.  I hunkered down.  I changed course.  I did what I had to do to survive. However, numerous times 2024 kicked my ass and left me with no choice but to BE helplessness.  “BE.”  I couldn't fight or change course.  There was no surrender.  There was no give in.  There was no fuckin option.  Each time, I had zero say of my state.  Each ...
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His Claim

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Another unexpected storm. This one a direct hit to my soul.  Neither of us were prepared for the morning to unleash a flood of inescapable no-win situations.  The turbulent winds of colliding actions and words battered the roots of my being, chipping away at my belief that solutions can be found if intent is authentic and forcing me to face a possible truth I didn’t want to see. Suddenly I was drowning in doubt.  Past experiences dragged me deeper and deeper into their haunting grip.  Maybe…no matter what I did, I would never be enough.  Maybe what I gave wasn't good enough.  That parts of me weren’t worthy of nurturing or exploration. That fundamental pieces of me would always be ignored and rejected because I just...couldn’t...inspire.   As quickly as the storm arrived, the wind, rain, and lightening ended, yet the chaos in its wake left me shaken to my core.  I was no longer sure what would be left intact once the sun rose again. ...
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The Drops

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When He sends me back to the world I once considered my norm, it’s never pretty. I drop into fuckin savagery. Whether for a day or two or three, the civilized protocols and service I embrace when I'm with Him fall away as primal survival skills and a rudimentary existence rise once again to the surface. Last time the incessant eye twitch was the wake-up call that snapped me out of my relentless focus of the concrete path in front of me.  For hours I'd battled the mental and physical churn of Midtown's Friday rush hour madness, trying to accomplish my tasks, but the warning at my brow eventually registered, and I paused on the dark sidewalk amid the unending noise and flow of humanity to assess my body. My head throbbed. My breathing was shallow. Tension I used to carry daily but had forgotten about during the last few months had seeped into my shoulders and crawled up my neck. My hips, relaxed and at ease just that morning in His cave, now ached and begged to stretch in s...
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The Compersion of An Unruly Whore

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It didn't matter that my whore had been in time-out, curled in a ball, mute, and non-responsive for two months. It didn't matter that I had no way of managing her urges and cravings, so I'd shoved her in a cage with multiple padlocks and starved her dumb ass. It didn't matter that I didn't trust her to meet expectation or control her aggressiveness.  It didn't matter that He'd shown no need for her shenanigans.  As He kissed me good-bye and shut the door of the truck, my whore woke with a vengence—wide-eyed and panting—from her self-imposed retreat, howling in her cage, begging to be released from confinement. My fingers trembled, and I tightened my grip on the steering wheel, trying in vain to focus on my next stop and the list of tasks I needed to complete.  Though absolute pure joy flowed through me at the thought of His pleasure and happiness, I fought the unexpected tsunami of electric sexual energy that roared in my veins.   I couldn’t catch my breath....
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Enough is Enough | To Take Root

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I find myself in unfamiliar territory.  This whole...actually being led thing.   Not in the bedroom. Not in some kinky-fuckery. Not in a litany of "Yes, Sir.  May I, Sir?" protocols. Not in put-on-a-sexy-dress. Not in oh-bring-me-food. Don't get me wrong... He does lead me in those ways.  Well... most anyway.  I'm not sure he even cares what I wear. lol  Those common leadership tactics are all ones I have experience in and can manage (on most days) to follow without stumbling or making an ass of myself.  On rare occasions, I might even succeed with some measure of grace.   The unfamiliar territory I mean is plain old Real Life—an area no one has dared try to lead me for... decades.  That was never what partners and I was doin.  They didn't have a Vision, the Desire, the Wisdom, the Strength, or the damn Authority to Guide, Nurture, Protect, let alone make Decisions that would have real world consequences regarding how I li...
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The Embers

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I knew from the beginning we could be amazing, but every time we take a step or a leap forward, I'm a little in awe of what I find. The calm, steady, and the quiet of Him... holds me in a way I've never felt.  Solid, secure, grounded deep in the Earth like a mighty sequoia, yet there's an indescribable freedom and flow and lightness that let's me dance with butterflies and moonbeams.    The joy of light and laughter... took my breath away and filled me to overflowing.  The doors and cabinets and hidden nooks willingly opened to see deeper.  Long walks on the beach.  Playful teasing.  Hands held.  Smiles and hugs and kisses.  All of it...Pure magic and wonder. The bliss of physical work, logical collaboration, and addicting progress... my bones, my muscles, my pores, my soul drank it all in after being starved so long from the purpose and act of doing.  I can't even explain...it's that trusted North Star—His Vision and Direction—that fuel...
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In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply...
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The Edge of His Darkness

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It’s 3am. I should be unconscious, earning another two or three face creases from sleeping soundly on His t-shirt, but in the shadows and silence and blessed fuckin stillness, I selfishly steal the time from my pile of obligations to travel back to our last night, our last morning, and just savor the memories.  Words, images, moments flicker through my mind.  Until I settle there.  That.  I hit replay and replay and replay. Fuck. What He did to me….   What I can’t even bring myself to fuckin type.  Even here. No one has dared.  Except Him.  Except Him.  Except Him. Looking back, I see clearly the presence I had felt.  It was there.  In the look carved on His face.  The edge of a Darkness that He holds tightly at bay had come to watch me.  Somehow... after so long... I had caught His interest again.   I met His gaze without fear, and His vicious response was absolute. There was no warning.   No pre...
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a curious lg

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My little girl is no longer tucked securely in her attic hideaway, where I’ve kept her locked for so many, many, many years.    He somehow freed her very early on.  I hadn’t been at all prepared for her appearance when she burst back into my consciousness with mischievous smiles and delighted giggles I couldn’t contain for an impromptu shopping trip to Home Depot.  She wanted to play with Him like a budding flower reaches for the taste of Sun in Spring. Instead of fearing for her safety, I basked in her delight and joy.  Her sudden arrival was an early sign that This Man was truly special. But then life lifed, and she had no choice but to quietly retreat back to her room.  There was no pouting or tears just a thread of sadness like a cold, rainy day had squashed her hopes of more time at the playground with Him.  She has popped into my world unexpectedly now and then since, tempted by swings and/or a certain irresistible puppy, but her visits were alwa...
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Failure of My Situational Mathematics

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He has caught me off guard more times than I can count the last couple of months.  That’s an unfamiliar feeling, almost disorienting.  My situational mathematics lean a bit cautious, but they are historically usually pretty damn accurate.   Except apparently in regards to Him.  (A pattern continues. lol)  The further along we move the more my situational mathematics utterly fail me.   Mmmmm, that's not 100% true.  All of my less sapio pieces intrinsically know and understand Him in a way that defies fucking logic or reason, but their lack of tangible data makes Alfred and the Consigliere crazy.  Then the Spiritual Chick walks in talking about "energy" and "we've done this all before many times," and my logical bits simply stop talking, since there's truly no point in wasting thought let alone words once she gets in on the conversation.  Their assessments change nothing. Yes...it can be a little noisy in my head at times.  lol B...
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Primal Surrender

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02.13.24 My last post was an attempt to release the frantic need for Him clawing through my mind and soul.  It didn't help much.  I had to drown myself in the intellectual distractions of startup plans instead while I tried in vain to ignore my lioness as she continued to batter against the cage of her reality: vanilla work, doctor's post-dental surgery instructions, a damn Nor'easter.  Finally last night, exhausted, she tucked her tail, curled into a ball, and fell silent and still.   There was no more fight left in her.   There isn't any today either. Again... I don't want to talk to anyone. Hear anyone. See anyone. Touch anyone. My lioness just wants to hide away in her cave.  She doesn't give a fuck about being responsible or being social or the fucking world.   Only He can soothe her and rouse her from her retreat and sleep.  Though tonight she would be hard pressed to summon any of the energy from her last post.  However,...
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Visceral Desires

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Today is not the day.  I'm not nice.  I'm not even civil.  I can't be polite or even rational. I've somehow managed the last 10 days without a problem.  Then last night, my last conscious thought before I crashed was how much I missed Him in my mouth.  I slept hard and long. This morning, I woke up pissed the fuck off.   I don't want to talk to anyone. Hear anyone. See anyone. Touch anyone. Only He can soothe me. ~whimper~   My desire for Him has overwhelmed me.  The need to have Him shoving into any and all of my holes is visceral.  Primal.  Bordering on fucking violence.  It vibrates in my damn bones and through my mind like an endless jackhammer, pounding away at every shred of control I have left. I want to scream.  Rage.   I want to destroy things.  Tear apart the world.   I need to SUCK. I need to FUCK. Not patiently. Not politely. And sure the fuck NOT gently. I need Him as fucking unci...
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Unreasonable State of Mind

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My lioness grew restless this evening. Within a couple of hours her agitation only amplified.  I tried to acknowledge her wants, but I simply became more aware of her discomfort. I tried a little talk therapy.  That wasn't enough either. I tried to find peace in sleep, but a nightmare only chased me down like a relentless dog.  When I finally woke, I understood what I had to do. I've learned when the energy shifts, however it shifts, I must trust it, flow with it. Let it lead me—physically, mentally, emotionally—wherever I am meant to go, so I may know or experience whatever deeper truth I am meant to find. To fight its current only makes shit harder and wastes time. I must surrender to its demand. Acknowledging her state wasn't enough. I needed to own her truth. This...is me owning my truth. This...is my surrender. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It's been less than 18 hours since I was last in His arms, against His heat, the taste of His flesh on my tongue, the sound ...
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Lioness Shit | Post #2

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She really REALLY don’t give a fuck about anything but now.  Fuck yesterday.  Fuck tomorrow.  What are we doing NOW?  She's usually not impressed with my ass unless I'm with Him. She doesn't give a fuck about words either.  Written or spoken—blah... blah... blah fuckity blah.  Actions, scents, tastes, sounds, textures, touch, feelings, energy...that's the shit that registers.   She’s dismissive of most of humanity, and the exact opposite when it comes to Him.  Everything to do with Him captivates her. She holds respect for a chosen few whose energy, experience, and actions meet her standards.  Most of the world falls in the category of prey that she has no appetite to conquer.  Meh.   I cannot reason with her.  At ALL.  I can only cage her and wait her out.   Be Warned | She’ll rise pissed the fuck off when fun pain turns on a dime to seriously sucky pain.  I cannot be held responsible next time....
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Lioness Shit | Post #1

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Occasionally I can escape and set her free. ~sigh~ Earth under my feet. Trees whisper to the world. Plants reach for their destiny. Sun kisses. Sky calls and clouds stretch. Fresh air fuels. Waves lick at my feet. An ocean breeze in my hair. Sand slips between my toes. A storm thunders through my bones. The rain cleanses. Lightning unleashes its violence. The night holds court. The stars dance. And the moon... Embraces my soul. ~purrrrr~ All soothe her deeply. There… My senses are fed on the richness, depth, and balance of nature. There… I find healing and pure joy in the silence of being. There… I don’t need to pretend I’m civilized. There… My soul rests in the simplicity and spiritual of the untamed. ~DominaKat
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When There's No Responsible Personality Left to Supervise

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NYC is almost within reach, just a few hours away.  I won’t lie.  I’m tired as fuck.  This weekend was a growth experience in more ways than I can currently count—with my fierce, BADASS Sister, with my Tribe, with my Community, for myself.  However I can’t shake the weariness nor find the blessed relief of sleep on this rainy, dreary return trip.   Instead I'm stuck.  I haven't been able to process all that happened or the resulting emotions that have filled me the last few days as I've run from one thing to another.  I'm trapped in a drop from a high that held no physical release.  Adrenaline, worry, joy, situational excitement, fierce pride, relief…yes to ALL that.  But energy-infusing pleasure or pain?  Orgasm?  Tears?  There was none of that in my cards.  Now in post-game, it’s everything I can do to maintain a train of thought and get my ass through the next step, and the next, and the next, so i can eventually g...
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