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Showing posts with the label BDSM

In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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My First Serious Date with Pain

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Yep...I finally had that serious first date with Pain.   My ass felt like the sun !  In addition to the post play physical after effects, there were the dozens of mental ah-ha! moments.  Soooo many initial answers found and lessons learned.  Damn...I love what we do! As I mentioned in To Play with My Pain , I've always had an intermediary in most of my early meetings with Pain.  Maybe intermediary wasn't the right word...more like translator.  Being sado-centric/partner-centric , Pain spoke to me through the context of my relationship and my Partner's pleasure and satisfaction.  If it spoke directly to me, it was mostly introductions or incidental pleasantries. Although the last time I'd played with my previous Sir over a year ago, I would say that I'd definitely lost our translator for the majority of that session.  I hadn't felt connected with Him like I should have, and it showed...or more accurately was FELT.  LOL  That experience challenged my belief
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My Masochist's Dance with Pain

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On our first solo date, Pain took me dancing. A quiet airy space filled with sunshine and a spring breeze, far away from any spotlight or New York City crowds.   Just us. To dance.   Converse.   Whisper and shout.   To get to know one another. And share secrets only Pain can tease from a willing body. From His first touch to His last, He left me breathless.   In the beginning moments, I thought too much.  Not about what might be.  I was confident in our negotiations and our talented facilitator.   Silly thoughts... About what I might be expected to say.   About my semi-conservative appearance.   About my steps.   Would I know the steps?   Too objective thinking thoughts... His approach to warm up... The technique of the throw... Placement of... Then I gave in.   Pain left me no choice.   To the music.   To Pain's kaleidoscope of demands and nuances.   I lost track of the tools that tasted my near virgin flesh a
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Post Play Conversations with an Ass

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Conversation in an unknown masochist's NYC bedroom at 6:45 am sometime in the last week: Her: ~blinking awake~ oh. shit. Well...Good morning, ass. Ass: Bitch...what the fucking hell did you do to me? Her: ~smile~ just some quality play time for my masochist. Ass: Play time, you say? Play. Huh.  I see. Well then, bitch, today’s about to be an extended version of some mother fuckin play time cuz it feels like you dragged me over a super-sized cheese grater yesterday. Her:  ~giggle~ Ass:  Wait! Are you...laughin?!? Oh? You think this is funny.  Go ahead and roll over off you stomach then, bitch... Her: ~GROOOOOOAN~ Ass: ~GROOOOOOAN~ SEE!!!  I tried fuckin to warn you, Ms Fuckin Play Time.  Get ready...we about to have some QUALITY dialog today.  I have no doubt you gonna get tired of hearin my voice. Her:  Naaaa...well worth it!  ~kicks off covers~  Welllll wor... ~sits up~ FUCK ME! Ass:  Not gonna warn you anymore since you think this shit is fun. Text
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Where is Your Energy Source? | Sado-centric, Maso-centric, Partner-centric, Self-Centric

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A couple years ago I attended an absolutely great class, Masco-curious?  It was my third local kink event in the city, and it added MUCH to my personal thought arsenal on S&M.  This small, casual, humble class led by two very different masochists opened about a half dozen doorways for me and was instrumental in putting me on the path that has led to my today.  (I seriously can't thank them enough!)  Despite doing lifestyle shit and being on Fet for the previous seven years, my "education" had truly been limited, based primarily on whatever my partners during that time were comfortable with or various anecdotal writings rather than a study of the craft. ~~~ IMPORTANT SIDEBAR ~~~ Yes!  I said CRAFT!  What we do is a CRAFT, and in order to MASTER the CRAFT of S&M you need to study, study, practice, practice, and do more of both almost infinitely!  No...ya don't get good at this shit by buying equipment at the mainstream "spice up your sex life" store
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To Play with My Pain

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My Masochist v3.1 At last month's S&M Discussion Group, we discussed the varying goals of play.[https://fetlife.com/users/9560269/posts/5635688]. Common Goals for BOTH S- and M-types: Introduction/Exploratory | to introduce a new type of play/instrument Pleasure | to experience some form of pleasure (including sensual/erotic) Escape | to forget the world and concentrate only on the moment Service | to provide pleasure/service to others (emphasis is on the partner’s experience) Maintenance | to maintain balance, emotional/mental space, practice D/s Reinforcement | to reinforce D/s roles and dynamics Feed the Monster | to provide yourself opportunity to be yourself/let your monster play Catharsis | to release emotional/mental/physical negative energy Ordeal | to deliver/endure/conquer a trial Competitive/Primal | to combat as a fundamental part of play often in primal personas. Punishment/Discipline | to give/receive corrective action for a misdeed by the
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Owner Privileges

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We have a lot of labels for those we engage with:  play partner, lover, Top, bottom, baby girl, Daddy, brother, sister, toy, Dom, sub....  Our relationships are sometimes complicated, often nuanced, but almost always meaningful.  For me there is no greater relationship/title than Owner. Even though I am unOwned and struggling right now in my peace with and trust in my submission, I can't deny M/s is - will always be -  my sacred .  The Owner's throne may be currently empty, but I still honor that role that a Man may eventually take in my life. Over time and experience, I've come to understand how rare it is to find someone willing and ABLE to take on the responsibilities of my Ownership.  Yes, there are a myriad of delightful sexy benefits He will have the right to indulge in at will, and many find those possibilities appealing.  However, what differentiates an Owner from a play partner, lover, Dominant is His desire and follow through to be an active leader in my life.
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Our Storm - Revised

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Revisions to an older post:   http://www.dominakat.com/2018/09/our-storm.html   Enjoy! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My hands clawed at the wet brick as I braced myself against the brutal rhythm of Him. Another nail shredded. The smack-smack-smack of skin-on-skin and the wet sounds of sin bounced between the confines of the dark, narrow alleyway.  Our harsh melody mingled with the downpour and the low hum of the random box truck that lumbered through the drenched barren city streets.  Even the taxis had forsaken the night to the summer storm. He shoved harder as His voice carried over the rain.  "This is what you deserve for being such a bitch.  A good fucking in the gutter." I spread my legs wider and bent my knees.   Ahhh, yes...there.   I sighed, feeling the full length of Him. The masonry dug into my palms, and the edges of my soaked dress clung to the sides of my pale thick thighs.  He'd bunched the fabric at my back for leverage to fuck hard and mean
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My Masochist v3.0 - How to Explore

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My masochist is one of the least explored out of all of my bottom-ish kinky personas.  Yeah, I've experienced pain but not through a smorgasbord of different types of implements, styles, or scenes.  Honestly, despite my near decade in the lifestyle, I could probably count the number of S&M scenes I've experienced on just a round or two of using my fingers and toes.  Don't get me wrong.  I've had some fucking amazing out-of-this-world scenes, but yeah, it's been one of the most frustratingly difficult aspects of my journey to progress and expand. The reins now lay fully in my hands. Obviously, I need to find viable, trustworthy play partners who will be comfortable with my experience level, interested in my goals, and able to accept my limitations.  Putting the play partner finding aside, I really do need to delve into MY goals and limitations.  You'd think after so long, I'd be able to rattle off my goals and limitations without even thinking.  Howe
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A Good Boy - Part I

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He stood before her sitting frame with his hands behind his back and waited. The temperature controlled room suddenly felt a little warm, and he wished he could shed his t-shirt and jeans. His toes wiggled against the cool hardwood floor and took in the Alpha Female before him.  The contrast between the white chair and her hourglass curves covered in black both excited him and made him uncomfortable. Nerves and excitement jumbled together in an indistinguishable sensation through his body as her eyes traveled down his tall frame. She raised her crop slowly to drag along his zipper. "Leave your pants buttoned, but take your dick out. I want to watch your reactions." She punctuated her demand with a firm slap to his thigh. He reached for his zipper only for the crop to slap at his hand.  He stilled unsure of himself. "What do you say first, boy?" Some unfamiliar feeling joined the tangle of nerves and excitement. He cleared his throat as he felt his face flu
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Introducing: S&M.NYC

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Well...I've gone and done it, with some great help of course!  ~HAT TIP~  I've been itching for the last year for more on S&M.  By more, I mean beyond the usual basic demo class that pops up every once and a while.  I've been hungry for meaty discussions about the in's, out's, approaches, tactics, thought process, etc.  Living in your own bubble is NEVER good.  We all need diverse thoughts and opinions to keep our minds engaged and kink creative, soooo... I've started an S&M Discussion Group in NYC.  My goal:  Create a safe, sane, fun space for S&M discussion.  That's it.  I am by no means an expert on ANY of this shit.  I've got no ego in this.  No political agenda.  I just love to learn and grow and discuss WIITWD and wanted to give back a little to the community that's given me so much. If you're interested in S&M, please join me and BlackMusic (your meeting hosts) on the first Monday of every month for what we hope will be
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My Church

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Several times the last week I ran into this topic, and it stayed at the top of my mind all last weekend as I struggled to wrap my arms around my next steps forward in my growth and evolution. The "lifestyle."  This thing that I do.  This idea, activities, community that I probably give half of my free time to isn't a simply a little hobby for me.  Or a frivolous pastime. This is... My church. My religion. My chosen set of ideals and frameworks that resonate at the base of my soul where I begin. So long ago as a young teenager, the concepts of Dominance and submission, of service, obedience, of passion and intensity beyond orgasm...they were all just...there.  It wasn't like I had a D/s relationship model I looked up to or a culture norm of male Dominance ingrained into me.  Power/Authority exchange - even with my many feminist standards - was simply the prism through which I viewed life and relationships.  I didn't have words or structures or tangible con
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Poly Question List: My Search for Answers & Understanding

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A Lil M/s Magic for Those Still Interested in Kinky Fun

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I couldn't read another bitch session/rant on Fet.  WTF people?!?  Does anyone anymore even think about the magic of what it is we do?  Or is your hunger only really about seeking out and destroying some invisible online enemy? ~smh~ Some snippets for those who are hungry for beautiful moments. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ His hand settled on my inner thigh.  I marveled at how natural it felt.  I hadn't been touched in years, yet nothing in me seemed alarmed or even in overdrive at His familiarity.  It was almost as if I'd been waiting forever...for Him.  I looked up into His warm eyes and wondered...who are you? "Listen.  This is what I want.  I want to Own you..." I blinked, but it wasn't a dream. "I want to Own you..." ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The second I felt the touch I'd opened my eyes to search for Him.  He'd been right there next to me. "It's okay."  A dark submission I'd never felt before devoured me whole in an instant.  He'd
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My Kinky Inequality

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There is no equality in my kink. Read that again. Notice the key words "MY kink." I'm not talking about my expectations for the community as a whole.  I'm not talking about the big ol' world of Fet.  I'm not talking about any munches, classes, play spaces, or events.  I'm talking about MY own personal kinky shit here. In my corner of the sandbox aka my profile/my sex life/my relationships I get to set MY own damn boundaries without apology, and my consensual kink is very much all about some unequality.  Don't look for fucking politically correctness here.  It doesn't exist. I crave Male Dominance - a male Owner who enjoys the fuck out of Controlling me, Conquering me, making me his nasty whore.  How un-fucking-feminist of me. I seek acts of Male violence on my Female flesh and mindfucks that would cause a nun to swoon.  Not something vanilla #MeToo would embrace. I get hot and horny when my Male Owner objectifies me, uses me, degrades
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The Beauty of Submission

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To feel vulnerable under the Weight of His Strength. To give freely when He Takes. To fight by His Side. To serve His Demands. Submission... To surrender beneath the Comfort of Competent Authority. To rely on Consistency and trust in Follow Through. To ache for His Approval. To obey His Instructions. Submission... To be wanted at His Feet. To bask in His Attention. To be used on my knees as He Sates His Pleasure. To anticipate and fulfill His Needs. Submission... To bloom and grow under His Nurturing. To work toward His goals. To follow His Direction. To believe in His Leadership. Submission... There is nothing in the world that makes more sense or is more beautiful to me than M/s.  To simply witness it warms my soul and fends off the cold chill of winter. ~DominaKat
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The Reconnection of Past and Present

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Perspective is key to understanding anything.  The more perspectives you have the more accurately you can see the Truth. I had the opportunity to step back the last few days - on many levels on damn near every front.  It's been an eye-opening experience that has brought a fresh measure of clarity I hadn't expected.  The kink/lifestyle front was by no means immune. Last week for the first time in 7 1/2 years, I saw my ex - the one who describes me as a force of nature.  I have never had a problem admitting that I wouldn't be where I am today without our time together.  For that, he has and will always have my eternal thanks.  He feels the same about me.  He'd followed me into the lifestyle all those many years ago, a journey that changed us both forever and eventually led us down different paths. As we spent time reconnecting, he said something to me during our lovely lunch that I hadn't considered or reflect on in a long time. "I had to negotiate a lot
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The Eye of the Storm

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On my knees in silence. The winds of our need quiet. The rain of our passion dwindles. Time stands still.     In the eye of the storm.     I wait.         Battered.         Raw.         Yet still strong and fierce.          I survived. The imminent demand of dark clouds stalk the horizon. I bite my faint smile of anticipation. Distant thunder growls its menacing warning. That I instead embrace.     In the eye of the storm.     I wait.         My roots of loyalty and honor.         Keep me grounded.         I brace myself knowing...         I will survive. Violence trembles in my peripheral vision. This storm will soon break once more. Across my stoic soul. And a storm surge of hunger will overwhelm every that I am.     In the eye of the storm.     I wait.         To unleash my sexual fury.         And drown in His dark greed.         Through a surrender to my own Truth.         I will have survived. ~DominaKat
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A Fearless Masochist

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Continuing to ponder my masochist and discovering little kernels of Truth... I don’t have fear. At least not any more. When the shit I once coped with on a daily basis was so vicious, nasty, and evil that I could barely even speak of it, it’s difficult to be afraid of the Pain a trusted partner might deliver in the context of a BDSM scene. Probably naive of me, I know.  There are many talented Sadists out there.  Maybe it would be better if I said...I don’t have fear YET. But still...I'm not sure there could be a "YET." A few things that have tumbled around my head as I've considered how fear might exist for my masochist... I don’t have phobias to play off and exacerbate. My response to sudden fear tends to be anger and swift violence, so maybe we really shouldn’t play in that pond.  I long ago trained myself to face and confront situational fear.  "Fuck it...let's roll/do this."  Having spent years on the South Side of the Yo makes most
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I Belong

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It's late.  My ass should be in bed snoring, yet I find myself too wired to cozy up in my nest.  Tonight feels like an unexpected milestone for myself.  Out of the blue I was asked to join a community event as a panelist.  I was flattered of course, but quite cognizant that while I've been involved in the lifestyle for about nine years now and have been thoughtful and introspective of my journey, I'm not what anyone would consider some wildly experienced kinkster who's spent every weekend doing more and more intense kinkiness. No, surprise...surprise...I haven't run around jumping on every type of ride available in Kink-Topia.  I don't chase the dragon. That isn't the important part of the journey for me.  What is important for me is that I find meaning, purpose, and fulfillment in what it is that I do.  In that...I am a serious participant.  Every day I seek to take another step in my journey of self-discovery within the lifestyle. Throughout the last
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Embrace Failure to Thrive

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Damn near every community in the last year has had some sort of drama at their doorstep.  Rightfully, we ALL NEED to understand consent backwards and forwards, protect each others' privacy, and be on guard for asshole abusers.  Responsible kinksters go to classes, read up on best practices, spend long hours considering.  All good things.  We all should be thoughtful in our interactions with each other. If you're anything like me, the drama as well as all this thought and consideration has also created some anxiety.  Most of us are intent on “doing things right” - not just as it relates to consent but in play.  No D/Top-type wants to cause physical, mental, or emotional damage, and no s/bottom-type wants to be on the receiving end of damage.  We all want to have a fabulous time every time we indulge in our kinky lifestyle. Guess what?  That's unfucking realistic.  And we NEED to talk about it. An impossible expectation of perfection in a scene/play currently exist
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