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Showing posts with the label My Journey

In Tatters

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I knelt at His feet in the utter mess I’d made. My struggle to succeed was stark. No one had ever seen me so disheveled…in such embarrassing circumstances. As He cleaned me up for the second time two minutes, I looked up to meet His steady gaze and tried to gauge his reaction. Disgust at another disastrous, completely unimpressive act of service? Frustrated at my inability to get it together? Sadistically amused at another ridiculous unglamorous predicament I’d once again found myself in? I knew he was taking in every fucking minute detail of the wreck before Him and squirreling it away in the vault of His mind, but what did He feel? His stoic expression offered me no hint. Without comment He stood firm in front of me. Fuckin unwavering. He hadn’t walked away. He hadn’t stepped back. I swear He may have even leaned in. As soon as I’d semi-collected myself, I began my third attempt even as I tried in vain to push the remaining proof of my ineptitude out of view, hoping it would simply
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DominaKat's Lifestyle Classes I What I Teach & Bio

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Updated | 05.20.23 CLASS LIST The 12 Goals of S&M: Foundations for Scenecrafting | Class Write Up Fail Fast, Fail Often, Fail Forward: Normalizing (the Reality of) Failure as a Part of Growth in the Lifestyle | Class Write Up - Coming Soon! Note | Session can be tailored toward a focus of BDSM, Authority Transfer, or Leather Community if desired. The 9 Service Languages of Authority Transfer Relationships & Dynamics Intro - 90m or Intensive - 3hrs | Class Write Up Day Workshop - 6 hrs | Includes additional guided self-reflection, group discussions, & self-assessment workbook Know Your Service Boundaries: Lessons from the Trenches of a Service Whore (for BOTH sides of the /) | Class Write Up The Ally~Advocate~Warrior Series Session 1 | The Ally~Advocate~Warrior Journey for Marginalized Communities within Kink & Leather | Class Write Up Session 2 | Ally~Advocate~Warrior Tactics for Individuals, Organizers, and Groups in Leather & Kink | Class Write Up Follow On/Up |
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A Friend Date with a Sadist

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Post-pandemic, my masochist has been a shadow in the recesses of my soul.  Like other pieces of me, she has been turned off...disconnected...off-fuckin-line.  The most delightful aspects of my journey had been abandoned to the weight of social chaos, service commitments, and dearth of male Dominant energy.  But here I was eagerly getting in a truck with my favorite creative Sadist—where there would be no exit and little room to maneuver.  My anxiety started well before that first hug.  I had no idea how I would cope with or process any bits of his Sadism in my masochist's absence.  Knowing the pain would come at some point felt like standing on a high dive about to jump into an ice cold pool on a hot humid day.  You look down a little disoriented, wondering how the hell you got up there, dreading how much it's gonna suck but hoping like crazy it will refresh your mind, body, and spirit. It so sucked. lol He graciously gave me a few miles that we filled with non-stop chatter bef
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An Update | Resignation from LSC

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If I've learned anything the last year, it's how some folks will choose to run their mouth without a lick of common sense or truth, so I prefer to embrace as much transparency as appropriate in an effort to minimize any self-service spin/narrative others may attempt.  However, I do recognize that they're gonna talk shit regardless.  LOL I had hoped Spring would simply allow me the opportunity to decrease my hours in service to the community a bit, but unfortunately matters have taken a different turn.  Despite my FIERCE belief in the mission and efforts of The Leather Solidarity Collective (LSC) and the incredible success LSC had at our historic collaboration with South Plains LeatherFest, it is with profound sadness that I discontinued my service and resigned yesterday (04.07.23) from LSC due to a conflict of interest not of my making. This has been a difficult and painful decision.  Loyalty, commitment, and advocating for the BIPOC Community are a few of my core values an
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CLASS WRITE UP | Ally~Advocate~Warrior Tactics for Individuals, Organizers, and Groups in Leather & Kink

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Title  |  Ally~Advocate~Warrior Tactics for Individuals, Organizers, and Groups in Kink & Leather Format  | Lecture-Based Presentation with Slide Deck Duration  | 90-120m (w/Q&A) Target Audience  | Beginner-Intermediate-Advanced  Individuals in the Lifestyle Event Organizers  Conference Committees  Non-Profit/Organizational Boards Whether you are passionate about Social Justice and Equity for the BIPOC Community, Women's Rights, LGBTQA++ Rights, Transgender Rights, Mental Health, Neurodiversity, Learning Disabilities, Physical Disabilities, Body Positivity, Ageism to name a few...this class is for YOU. Description  | While some steps toward progress have been made in pockets of the community, the unfortunate reality is that few move beyond a blanket invitation to everyone with the claim to be "safe".  Being an Ally, Advocate, or Warrior is MUCH more than being intolerant of ~isms and ~phobias or inviting new speakers with a diverse identity to teach or posting a &
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MsC | 1st Post Con Thoughts

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I've been home less than 24 hours. While the long drive home yesterday gave me time to contemplate, I'm still chewing on the unexpected direction of my 1st MsC experience. I'd ASSUMED those four days in Maryland would re-inspire my desire for an M-type in my life and the softer side of me that few folks see. Instead, every aspect of the Master/slave Conference reinforced my current solo journey and my fierce Lioness.  LOL Don't jump to conclusions. Yeah...I know most of you did!!! My solo journey is NOT a bad thing at ALL! In fact I will be taking up that POV over the next year.  Okay, more dick in my life absolutely WOULD be appreciated, but that's a different topic...kinda.  The truth is being unowned property the last few years has been nothing short of fucking PHENOMENAL! I've grown exponentially in my knowledge and understanding of self as well as the Lifestyle. I've evolved my surrender beyond a singular person to include Community Service and my own
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CLASS WRITE UP | The Journey from Ally to Advocate to Warrior for Marginalized Communities within Kink & Leather

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Title  |  The Journey from Ally to Advocate to Warrior for Marginalized Communities within Kink & Leather Format  | Lecture-Based Presentation with Slide Deck Duration  | 90-120m (w/Q&A) Target Audience  | Beginner-Intermediate-Advanced  Individuals in the Lifestyle Event Organizers  Conference Committees  Non-Profit/Organizational Boards Whether you are passionate about Social Justice and Equity for the BIPOC Community, Women's Rights, LGBTQA++ Rights, Transgender Rights, Mental Health, Neurodiversity, Learning Disabilities, Physical Disabilities, Body Positivity, Ageism to name a few...this class is for YOU. Description  | Ask a member of any Marginalized Community to name an Ally—either an individual or organization—within The Lifestyle, and their likely answer will simply be a blank stare.  The sad truth is that most who consider themselves Allies do not understand (nor been taught) the fundamentals of The Journey to Allyship, let alone the path to Advocacy or the steps
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To a New Decade!

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I woke this morning near dawn to close, vicious streaks of lightning and a crack of thunder, ripping through my NYC neighborhood that sounded like the street and earth had opened to swallow the building next door.  With eyes barely opened, I smiled and laughed.  A perfect fucking omen to begin this day as I cross over into a new decade.  Electricity licked my skin and left a metallic spice in the air.  Yes...Mother fuckers are gonna feel THIS BEAUTIFUL STORM! Get ready, folks.  It's gonna be one helluva ride!  ~wicked grin~ ~DominaKat
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TES Fest | an Ugly Confession & the Dawn of Rediscovery

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Series | TES Fest 2022 Essay #4 |  an Ugly Confession & the Delight of Rediscovery CONFESSION | Somewhere in the last 18+ months I lost all feelings of sexiness.  Actually it's worse than than that.  I no longer felt attractive, I couldn't quite recognize my own body movements, and I flat out didn't feel comfortable in my own skin.  It was almost as if I'd lost complete connection with my physical self. Just typing all those words is difficult.  I feel like I failed myself somehow even though when I look back I see so many personal triumphs.  I'd mentioned elements of the issue a few times to a handful of folks, but no one seemed to be able to relate, and it's only in writing this post and looking back that I can truly perceive the depth of the issue. There's no way to cover in a single post everything that transpired between the Fall of 2020 and March of 2022, but I believe many factors contributed to my lost physical connection. A 7-month hibernation d
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TES Fest 2022 | Vendors & My Groaning Wallet

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Series | TES Fest 2022 Essay #3 | Vendors & My Groaning Wallet FINALLY...a week later, I finish UNPACKING from TES Fest!  Unlike packing, this process allowed me to unwrap, touch, and/or play with all the goodies I brought home with me, so there were little bursts of joy to carry me through the week as I emptied one bag and then another.  ") I'd purchased a number of custom pieces over the last 2 1/2 years from folks like Whispers of Fire Fet | Website , Whips by Axel Fet | Website , Toolworks Chicago Fet | Website , and UniqueKink Fet | Website , so my S&M Toolbox was VERY well set.  Yes...Kinky Retail Therapy during the pandemic was a thing for me...don't judge. lol Knowing my toolbox was already too damn big to take with me any-fucking-where anymore, my Lifestyle spending for 2022 was going to focus more on gear.  After all, I AM doing the Con/Run thing now!  Gotta show up and represent, right???  I'd browsed the TES Fest Vendor websites, but meh...only
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TES Fest 2022 | Post-Con Status & Priorities

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It's been less than 36 hours since leaving TES Fest 2022. For every amazing person who has messaged me, friended me, commented on something I shared...please bare with me for the next 5-7 days... I was back to my 9 to 5 vanilla job Tuesday am, which leaves me with limited time. My mind is still a whirlwind of amazing shit I need to process and express. That blizzard of thought has left me below standard logic and brainwave wise, and I do not want to do you a disservice by being a fucking airhead! smh... more water...more veggies...more sleep. My body is still recovering. Even my fucking hands ache! SMH...I'm self-masochist-ing just by typing! More Advil...more sleep...more veggies. Aside from my own self-care, my post-con priorities are checking on those closest to me regarding con drop, anyone I Topped, anyone I've offered aftercare from their other scenes, as well as reassuring vanilla family who got a little worried that I was harder to reach than usual. lol I prom
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Lit Fires & Those Who Feed the Flames

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It's launched.  After two long years, The 9 Service Languages of Authority Transfer Relationships & Dynamics !  This concept came over me in the Spring of 2020 in the middle of the initial NYC COVID outbreak and REFUSED to slip into the lost files of my mind.  When I previewed my very rough ugly concept outline a few weeks later to each of my personal Board of Directors, my first questions were "Who's already put this idea together?  Who's already written this book?"  All of them laughed and said, "No one.  I've never seen Service put out there like this.  I guess you need to be the one."  My fate was sealed.   The concept persisted even when I was overwhelmed with grief at the deep loss of my close friend and Member of my Board of Directors, through the brutal workload that was UPRISE! 2021, while handling needs of my closest family, and as I did my best to dodge the numerous COVID surges that plague our communities.  However, for much of the la
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The Climb to the Next Step

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Anyone who knows me or has been in a class/discussion/panel/meeting with me knows I have something to say about 85% of the time.  I don't speak from ego or for attention.  I'm an idealist, so the ideas and discussion are my focus and where I find my passion.  Seriously...I can get wet from conference sessions .  ~eye roll~  I'm weird.  I know.  My point is...the learning, discussing, knowledge sharing is my zen! While I try not to speak unless my comments, thoughts, or ideas have relevance to the discussion, the value of my words is always subjective to the listener, and since my attention is trained on the presentation or discussion at hand, I'm usually oblivious to whether my words resonate to people.  This is pretty much the case with my writings as well.  I don't write for an audience.  I write to unpack, sort through, and assemble the puzzle pieces in my mind.   Over time as I've attended community events and even created and/or hosted my own events, I star
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HARD LIMIT | I am NOT Y/your Shame

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I've churned off and on with this post for years as the issue has cropped up numerous times since I entered the lifestyle a dozen years ago.  It's a topic I rarely see tackled.  To be upfront, I'd love any additional insights, perspective, shared experiences, and potential solutions here...      We talk a lot about consent in this community.  Those clear negotiations before play or a relationship to established each partner's boundaries, limits, desires, and needs work out great when you're talking about overt actions/inactions. "I love flogging.  I'm open to knife play, but needles are a hard limit for me." Easy-peasy...but what about the messy, unconscious, emotional garbage most carry around?  How often are we intentionally negotiating those landmines upfront?  The few instances I've heard discussed tend to be either in the context of M/s or Owner/property User Manuals or Pro-Domme negotiations, a small portion of the community. ~record scratch
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A Return to Pleasure

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No lie, it's been waaaaaay too fucking long, and with the pandemic it's been incredibly difficult to create consistent sources of pleasure.  So difficult I'd forgotten what soul deep pleasure even felt like until tonight.  I was not ready.  I didn't have a clue what was in store for me.   Forty-five minutes into the most decadent, slow, insistent, thorough yet subtle mouth-fucking I've ever had, shivers ran down my spine as my senses and nerve endings finally caught up with and began to interpret correctly the seduction and sheer joy of my experience.  My entire body tingled, and in that instant when the visceral responses flooded my system...I surrendered and nearly cried. There was no rush.  Every minute felt longer than the last.  I never knew a leisurely mouth-fucking could be so damn epic.  Those steady, unassuming, nuanced strokes teased me with each mouthful.  My greedy lips gentled and discovered a rare patience as I sank into the wonder and delight of every
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The Comet of Lamar & Me

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The post triggered a shock of sadness and flood of beautiful fond memories.  Maybe I should have shrugged off the news.  It had all been so long ago, but the long-buried visions continued to chase me.  I soon gave up any semblance of trying to be in the present and sank into the need to rewind my mental photo album and the book of my life to lose myself in days past but never forgotten. We first crossed paths during a mutual friend's misadventures on a night much like tonight.  The frantic specks of snow danced in front of the car's headlights as the cold quickly seeped into our bones.  We were bundled up and stuffed into my little two-door Capri to spend miles searching in vain for the friend's somewhat stolen car.  He and I turned out to be the calm, strategic ones in the midst of minor chaos.  Nothing is sexier than a man in control of himself, handling a situation.  I was intrigued and so was my pussy.  We were young.  I was back in my hometown looking for direction aft
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Head-Heart-Soul Shift

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Not in a good headspace. Too much. Too little. The negative has seeped in and is starting to drag me under. No one can shift it but me. Time for some gratitude and change in perspective. I am so very grateful for… My health. My family. My lil leather & kink tribe. My Board of Directors who advise me from their thoughtful outside perspective on all things vanilla and Lifestyle. The opportunities of service I’ve had in the last two years with ONYX Pearls NY-NE and with Leather Solidarity Collective. The vast myriad of discussions I’ve had in my own Lifestyle groups as well as other organizations. The treasure trove of books by Lifestyle Authors with their wealth of knowledge and ideas. The amazing, kind, brilliant people I work with M-F. The profoundly beautiful and life altering experiences I’ve had in meditation the last 8 months. My occasional ability to help those in need. The opportunities I have to share my lil bits of wisdom I sometimes manifest. The phenomenal resilience of N
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System Check After Reboot

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Many of us in NYC are going through some sort of personal pandemic recovery, trying to rebalance, reassess, restart in this new version of normal.  The early days of COVID - when the city that never sleeps crashed into a coma even as endless sirens screamed through the streets - still echo in our heads like a long ago nightmare yet feel like yesterday.  Despite occasional office visits to near empty skyscrapers or surreal dinners with friends amid the landscape of "For Lease" retail space, we haven't quite figured out where the fuck we are now.  There are high-end stores missing, mom and pop shops missing, restaurants missing, delis missing, dive bars missing, diners missing, energy missing, and people.  Fuck.  The people...the tourists, the faces we used see at lunch, our neighbors, our co-workers, our friends and family...who aren't fucking there anymore.  Their faces, voices, and presence are an ache that doesn't fade.  We've gone through a hard reboot afte
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Silver Linings

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Despite my struggles to find my footing in this start of a new normal, I hold tremendous gratitude in my heart and being for the many, many silver linings I found in the Cat 5 Hurricane that was the pandemic. My parents and adult kids have remained safe and long-term healthy to date.   I stayed safe, mostly sane, and relatively healthy aside from a few stress-induced pounds and lack of exercise. Employment...so incredibly grateful that I was immediately able to shift to remote work. Zoom...though like most...I am sick of fuckin zoom! LOL  However, I am eternally grateful for this platform's massive contribution to society during the gravest of times.   Being able to see family and my dearest friends on the regular kept me grounded and productive. My core friendships deepened exponentially.  Without the distraction of long commutes, wait staff and food, a secondary aspect of entertainment whether it was a class, a movie, shopping, an exhibit, a jazz performance...we had time and foc
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A Flat Football & Adrift in a Sea of Bandaids

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After so many of the things, I've spent September settling back in and restarting my world.  Yet as I review various options for Lifestyle classes, events, reconnecting, somehow everything feels bland and uninspiring.  My heart and soul feel utterly disconnected from the Lifestyle.  I am...adrift. I've been blessed in many ways the last nearly two years.  I didn't have it as hard as so many.  I'm not depressed.  I wake up refreshed.  I'm productive.  My emotions are in check.  Minimal anxiety as I've slowly over time re-acclimated to being out in the world with people.  In fact, I can list many personal silver linings that I've found despite this seemingly unending Cat 5 Hurricane of a Pandemic. So I ask myself what the fuck?  One of my biggest passions now feels empty and stale and no longer magical. ~sigh~  To use an analogy...the game ball is flat, so I can barely find the motivation to go to the field to practice or play.  Who wants to toss a football wh
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A Return from Service

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April brought an overwhelming and instinctual call to service.  Not the romantic kind.  Nor the sexy or kinky kind.  The deep rooted Vanilla Family kind.  With a single phone call, my view of the short term future shifted dramatically.  I did my best to honor significant service commitments (UPRISE!) already in motion and paused everything else, especially those I had been considering.  My horizon line immediately became how best to navigate a family need within the constraints impacting the world at large.  I had to be there.  Everything else was a very distant second. I trust the Universe to guide my path and place me where I am supposed to be.  Even with a myriad of ever moving issues, never before has timing worked out so smoothly or precisely.  Once I gave up the worry and fight to wrestle down the logic of everything, I simply surrendered to the currents at hand, and my path was cleared almost effortlessly to get me where I needed to be when I needed to be there. Despite the seri
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