Fire & Ice

In the time of Covid, to dream takes on a whole new meaning.  To dream of better days.  To dream of our mask-free past and someday future filled with the warmth of friends close by and laughter in the air.  To dream of carefree travel.  Of love and romance and of course...hope.  Of the sexiness of withering flesh and sweet pain at play parties, joyous leather bar nights with thumping bass, and of warm conferences where we gathered en masse as community. Fortunately, I'm not the type of masochist to dwell on things outside my reach or ability to manifest.  I refuse to torment myself with the thoughts of what cannot be.  I wait.  Someday the world and the advances of medical science will safely re-open all those doors once again to me and the community in some capacity. Until then...with emotional and physical needs like love, play, kinkiness, submission, topping, relationship(s), etc all trapped in the muck of Covid, my wheels have spun for months.  Books teased nuanced new flavors

It's been rare that I write from the soul anymore.   Most of 2019, I was flat out too busy.  Hell...I've never been that "socially" busy in my life, and I didn't even have a relationship to service!  LOL Friends.  Work.  Family.  Pledging.  My co-hosted Lifestyle discussion groups—S&M.NYC and NYC slave Meetings.  The Community in general.  I'd spend 12+ hours in Manhattan, coming home to my Borough exhausted yet satisfied I'd made the most of my day and the opportunities in front of me. Then 2020...fuck what a damn mess.  I saw it coming earlier than others, and I started to prepare practically as well as mentally and emotionally.  Yet, the reality of it was nothing I'd imagined.  The endless scream of the sirens until finally...blessedly...someone official must have told them to cut the sound.  No cars, no bikes, no people dared our once energy-pulsing streets.  The coo of pigeons and tentative tweets of birds I don't know the name of filtered

Ten years ago when I first found the lifestyle, I'd also moved into my brother's little house at the end of a dead end road on the edge of town.  He'd shifted to a larger place for him and his family, and he pretty much told me...do whatever—as little or as much as—you want.  To put it kindly, he'd handed me enough to keep my busy for years.  Beyond the main backyard were several acres with the property that were EXTREMELY overgrown, and I mean chest-HIGH!  All I could see beyond that edge where lawn met wild were treetops that reached for the Ohio sky. From the first day I woke up to the birds and the breeze at the FOS (The Fortress of Solitude) I worked to make a difference to my surroundings.  Once I'd gotten the house somewhat settled, I started to pull overgrown weeds that bordered the yard.  I had no idea what I'd find once I got into the thick of it all, but the woods called to my soul.   Every day, I'd tug on my leather work gloves and pr

I am an insatiable Lover in your life. If You can pique my interests and challenge me. I could be the strong Woman by Your side. If You are a strong, beautiful Man and make the effort to see all I am. I could be Your sweet, wicked Domina on Your arm. If You are a Sir that deserves and respects a classy lady. I could the alfred of Your dreams. If You are a Superhero of Integrity and have Goals I can believe in. I would be Your vicious Warrior ever at Your back. If You prove worthy of my sincerest respect. I could be Your ever-hungry Masochist crumpled at Your feet. If Your greedy Sadist deliciously feasts on my pain and fucks my mind. I would be Your committed, monogamous Partner in life. If You are honest, careful, considerate, and love true. I could be your wild primal prey in your sights. If You are a Dark Beast who can shelve His ego and dance with my defiance. I would be Your nasty, fucking Whore in Your arms. If You stroke my hedonistic twisted desires and che

My blog posts are a bit daunting to sift through, so I pulled together a short list in case the question what I'm looking for in regards to M/s ever needs a serious response. Yes, the definition of "needs versus wants" is always a thing.  My subjective criteria: If x was NOT a foundational aspect of my relationship, would it significantly impact my surrender and ability to serve?  So...if I was to have a strong 24/7 Authority-Based Relationship that encompassed most aspects of my life... My Relationship Needs in an Ideal TPE Situations To grow, learn, evolve...to positively impact me and my journey True to me | a lioness not a pirouetting renaissance fair chic or a helpless clueless lamb (I can not be less, so he can fake like he's more.) [ This Woman's Submission... ] A competent/compatible partner* I can connect with and believe in | an ability to align wills [ My Reverse Matryoshka Doll... ] To belong/be claimed/be wanted | a functional Owner/property

I'm not going to bullshit.  The desire right now to be well and truly Owned by an M-type who is stronger, smarter, more capable than me is visceral. Don't get me wrong.  It isn't overwhelming or crippling.  I continue to stand fucking STRONG in the face of this tsunami that has flooded NYC.  I am blessedly still working, and as soon as my day is done I start the work/effort of supporting the community I love so much however I can. Of course throughout the day I also handle a myriad of tasks.  I stay informed as much as I can on the status of all the things by catching Cuomo's press conference, scrolling the news feeds, and reading the emergency notifications.  I dash out every few days for a super quick trip to the store to replenish essentials and to stretch my legs so used to eating up two miles of the concrete jungle a day.  Most of all, I virtually connect with friends and family in an endless warm loop of love, concern, compassion, and support.  I eat.  I exe

A lioness' hunger takes many forms.  Her mind needs to be fed often, well, and deeply.  A sated intellect is key to her tranquility and satisfaction.  ( Also s ee Bitch, Can You Just Get in a Damn Box?!? ) Suggestions/recommendations always appreciated.  Of course NYC's D/s Book Club will no doubt help feed my Lioness. ~DominaKat ~~~Finish the Following~~~ Master/slave Mastery - Update Handbook of Concepts, Approaches, and Practices by Robert J. Rubel Ph. D. Sacred Power: Holy Surrender Edited by Raven Kaldera Dear Raven and Joshua: Questions and Answers  by Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny Ties That Bind by Guy Baldwin M.S. The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy ~~~New~~~ Real Service by Raven Kaldara & Joshua Tenpenny Warrior Goddess Training by Heatherash Amara The New Bottoming Book  by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison Tears We Cannot Stop  by Michael Eric Dyson Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vo

so it Begins. a Return of the Sun. a Renewal. after reflection and growth. Surrounded by my Pride and Tribe. in Acceptance. in Gratitude. wounds long scarred. Healed as the Universe intended. a Reemergence. of Spirit. of Soul. my Lioness shakes her slumber. I stand fully in My Truth. to Discover. All I could and will Be. a Rebirth. of Warmth.  of Heat.  of Fire.  and Passion.  the Flames I fan will burn bright. their Dance will feed my Soul. an Awakening. the Return of the Sun. so it has Begun. ~DominaKat

Yesterday, I officially became an ONYX Pearl Associate of the New York/Northeast Chapter.  Cross over marked the culmination of much growth and hard work the last six months, and a multitude of thoughts swamp my mind as I consider this unanticipated milestone in my ten year journey.  However, before I begin to unravel all tangled thoughts, I first need to give much, much, MUCH thanks to the MANY who assisted me in my steps to being an ONYX Pearl.  Without their support, encouragement, friendship, and love I would not have found my way on this path into Sisterhood nearly as well. My previous Sir |  While our time together was not nearly as long as either one of us had wanted, He taught me much.  One of the most important lessons He demonstrated again and again throughout our relationship was the importance of community.  His personal commitments and dedication to His Ghanaian Community as well as His Lodge offered me a glimpse at the personal fulfillment such relationships can bring.

In a spacious room outside of Youngstown, exhausted and momentarily paused on my way to to my hometown for the holidays, I find myself suspended between multiple worlds, multiple lives, multiple realities.  A strange yet insightful place.   I haven't been alone in a hotel room since returning to "unowned" status.  The couple of times I've had a room were stuffed with people and schedules and events.  Whether it's the exhaustion dogging my body and mind or the scent of the room or the feel of the sheets against my naked flesh, I don't know, but my whore...she stirs.  I ache for the warmth of skin against my skin, the weight of a Man pushing me into the mattress, the all-consuming burn of passion and need and fire and darkness.  ~sigh~  Being alone is nothing new to me.  It's my security blanket.  I can exist simply in the moment without anyone else's roles, expectations, needs, or wants influencing my course.  I can be in my truth whatever that

{sigh} I've finally lifted my head above the water and caught my breath.  After months of swimming with chaotic tides and focusing so tightly on the tasks I had in front of me, I finally have the bandwidth to see, feel, be. I am restless tonight. I ache to quench a thirst I can not name even as I lack the desire to drink. Logic and knowledge nag me of a dozen things I am long overdue to have in my life.  Love.  Passion.  Desire.  Touch.  Sex.  Pain.  Dominance.  Submission.  Orgasms.  Intimacy.  Service.  Surrender.  Yet my Lioness remains unstirred for any of it.  Not even a whisker twitch of curiosity disturbs her stillness. Maybe I've trained myself too well.  Do not want what you can not have.  Let go of the ache, so that it won't dictate my direction.  Lessons force fed from the cruelest of fates again and again. I know...I'm still working on slowing down after such a long, brutal pace.  There is an impatient viciousness to cut off anything that does not

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Spending some time again with Christian Scott aTunde Adjuah this evening.  Somehow he always seems to help me find my words.  He teases them from my soul like he does the haunting notes from his trumpet.  Long.  Drawn out.  Strung together to tell his truth.  Maybe today, I'll find mine. A milestone.  One few can understand the personal and emotional significance of.  The summit of Everest after years of climbing in treacherous, punishing conditions.  A triumph over evil.  A redemption after hell.  It was beautiful and moved me deeply.  A reality I once never dreamed could come to pass. An anniversary.  Five years in NYC.  Where I've grown in ways unimagined.  The dichotomy of the demands and opportunities.  Of harsh practicalities and limitless awe.  My gypsy wanderer dances under the shadows of steel and glass through the concrete jungle.  More pieces of myself unwrapped and stacked on a foundation made stronger. The blessings shared in service to a community.  To give

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I didn't kink last night.  Despite two of my favorite presenters and a topic I'm still curious to explore, I looked at the NYC skyline, the cramped streets, and the endless rain, and I chose the uptown track to carry my home. I didn't kink tonight.  Too leary of wacky icky energy of strange ones, couples with their own focused agenda, and Times Square on a hot sticky night, I avoided another preferred event.  I just didn't have it in me to sift through chaos to find positive crumbs, so I met a friend and talked 1:1 kink for two hours. My choices weren't born of a need to preserve my strength.  I'm almost vibrating with the need to move, an echo of my pacing lioness. My choices were about a need to shield myself from unnecessary aggravation, and if you've never hit Times Square between 5 and 6 pm or spent a rainy evening on New York City streets, at best it can be one hassle after another as everyone fights to avoid the misery of a wet, humid, icky rush

It's been an odd few weeks...outing myself to a distance acquaintance against my better judgement, my slave self making a spontaneous appearance in an unhealthy situation, a heartbreaking confession, a confrontation with a bully who escalated dumb shit to put his hands on me and ended up on the floor for it, a non-consenting witness to group therapy.  I've racked up a fair share of negative encounters in a short amount of time.  None of them earth shattering or world-changing by any means.  I'm just not at my best.  All of it has left my energy in a funk that I'm not sure how to dissipate. My Lioness is wide awake after having been in a coma for much of the last year, and it wasn't passion and sexiness that woke her.  She definitely rolled off the wrong side of the bed from all the pokes and prods.  She's not angry, but she is annoyed and watchful.  Her claws are unsheathed.  She paces. I know I am well equipped to handle almost anything that comes my way.  

I fucked up a few weeks ago.  Did something stupid.  REALLY STUPID. At the enthusiastic prompting/encouragement of a half-outed kinkster, I fully outed myself to a friend of his (who he swore was kinky) and invited them to join me for a local class I was about to attend. Commence the fucking TRAINWRECK. In under 120 seconds... She revealed missing KEY pieces to their previous interactions that caught me completely off guard.  No...owning my shit here...I felt like an absolute fool. Yes, she had her own alternative lifestyle interest (poly) and seemed openmind to hearing about my own BDSM interests.  She was decently knowledgeable on basic terminology and agreed to join us, but she acted WAY cooler than she was. He got weird and started a bit of a shock-and-awe act as I answered her questions, which amplified my feeling used and more a fool. I without really thinking in this rushed conversation that was quickly picking up speed and tension outed Him another significant deg

It's the second week of July, and if you're dragging a bit or just a little down (ESPECIALLY you TES Fest attendees), you aren't alone.  You're not crazy.  July's event drop feeling is a THING! This is my third year actively in the local scene, and I've finally put it together.  Even if you didn't do any of the HUGE events (Folsom Street East, the Balls/Special Parties/etc, Pride Parade, TES Fest) in the last five weeks or aren't LGBTQA, the month of June naturally just is amped up for Pride Month.  Almost every class, meeting, group is at a minimum adds just a little bit more, and there were likely a ton of special events cramming your calendar to celebrate with friends. The very energy of NYC shifts!  June is essentially kinky holiday month like December is in the vanilla world.  There's more love in the streets, the subways, the billboards, the air!!!  The city is literally painted with rainbows.  It is truly beautiful and energizing. Now th

I wrapped up my ONYX Pearls' interview with the itch to write scratching my scalp.  The simplest of questions yet sadly I had had no immediate or definitive answer.  "What does Sisterhood mean to you?" For many reasons—some situational, some ugly—I've never engaged with groups of women.  To be transparent, it's only been since I entered the local scene that I've even aligned myself with any formal groups.  Despite my current active involvement with various pieces of the NYC Kink Community, I'm actually more of a loner.  My interests have always been too varied, my style too straightforward or unique, my tolerance for drama and betrayal waaaaay too low.  I tend to float between a diverse cross-section of activities, people, and interests.  This allowed for an eclectic assembly of experiences and continually fueled my independence. The root of it all is...I've never sought group approval or status.  That phenomena is all just...sort of lost on

A question came my way last month, "Why Owner/property?  As opposed to Master/slave?"  I struggled to answer beyond, "'Property' felt right.  'Slave" has never worked for me."  I didn't add at the time that neither has "Master."  (I was trying to be semi-well-behaved and not offend anyone.)  I've always struggled to answer the 'property' vs 'slave' question, but I searched deeper on my train ride home and have continued to play with the puzzle pieces.  Turns out, there was a lot to unpack and fit together. There are many implied nuances that apply to both "slave" and "property":  belonging, protected, the follower of a leader, etc.  All of those resonate deeply within me.  Always have.  However, FOR ME, "slave" felt inherently wrong, like a dress that fit poorly and whose fabric itched the moment it touched my skin.  Despite my knowledge that I have been/could be utterly devoted to